There are some parts of pregnancy that main stream media doesn’t share. Even though Mr. LL and I were sorta trying to get pregnant for most of 2016, I wasn’t doing anything different to prepare my body and all that jazz. The only thing I did differently was to stop taking birth control. So, I wasn’t reading about pregnancy and fertility and parenthood because I didn’t want to get my hopes up. Mr. LL and I agreed that if we got pregnant that was amazing, but if it didn’t happen we weren’t going to force it (with fertility treatments or adoption). Obviously it worked out, but I wasn’t prepared for the reality of pregnancy.
So, if you are like pre-pregnancy me and you aren’t pregnant, you probably won’t read this post and that’s fine. If you are at all curious about the REALITY of pregnancy I suggest you read on so you can at least know what you are getting into. If you are already a mom, then maybe you can get some amusement out of my journey and discovers and look back on your own experiences. If you are a dude, I hope you will read on just to get some perspective of what ladies go through when they choose this path in life. With all that said, let’s get to the good stuff.
YOU LOSE YOUR ABILITY TO USE WORDS GOOD
About mid-way through your second trimester (around weeks 18-20) you will probably feel something that is called “the flutters.” This is when you start to feel your baby moving around because he/she is getting bigger and so you are able to feel the movements against your insides. However, these early movements are the HARDEST thing in the world to explain. Mothers and other mothers-to-be who are at/beyond this point are able to speak gibberish to one another, describing this sensation and understand completely. Trying relaying this feeling to your partner and they will look at you as if you started talking like an adult in a Charlie Brown cartoon. These movements are subtle and, I suspect, feel a bit different for everyone. However, you mom-senses somehow know what it is…most of the time.
YOUR DIGESTIVE SYSTEM WILL BETRAY YOU
In the mid to late second trimester, there were days when I couldn’t tell if it is gas or baby moving until it is too late. During this time, you are just starting to really feel the baby but sometimes it is actually gas. Gas you have NO control over. You can try and restrain it, but it’s coming and you need to make sure you are not going to cause an epidemic in your workplace by unleashing an ungodly odor amongst your colleagues.
Also around this time, I began a new existence as a woman made of acid. Pre-pregnancy, I was diagnosed with chronic acid reflux as well as bile reflux. I’ve been taking medications for both for years now, along with changing up my diet (I miss you, pineapple!) and it’s been pretty manageable. That is until I got pregnant. My bile reflux kicked in HARD and my acid reflux began torturing me again. If this is turns out to be my mutant power, I’m going to be pissed. Now, granted, I had become pretty lax in taking my medications because I had it mostly under control without them, but I started to retake my bile reflux chalk pill before bed and I would still wake up 30 mins after falling asleep to the startling sensation of bile creeping up my throat. After an hour of coughing and clearing my throat, if I was “lucky” enough to catch it before it burned my throat to the point of tears and vomiting, I would go back to sleep but I had to do so sitting pretty much straight up. I’d get a few more hours of sleep, but inevitably at some point my body would decide it was uncomfortable and shift back to a more "normal" sleeping position only to have the bile came back up. Another hour of coughing and mild crying because I am so tired.
It took a few, miserable, weeks to figure out what works for me which is to take my antacid every day and then to not consume ANYTHING (aside from water) for at least two hours before I lay down to go to bed. Most of the time, this works.
YOUR TEETH FALL OUT
Actually you just become way more susceptible to cavities and other dental maladies. I got a HUGE cavity in one of my wisdom teeth early on in the pregnancy when no dentist will see you (yeah, during your first trimester, dentists don’t want to deal with you because they don’t want to be held liable during this pretty risky time in the pregnancy). It didn’t hurt, so I just was careful with it and went on with my life. Slowly it's began to just disintegrate in my mouth over the course of my pregnancy. Then I woke up one morning to discover what felt like large chunk had broken off in my sleep, leaving it sharp and cutting my cheek. The tooth itself still didn’t hurt, but I was having a lot of trouble eating because of it cutting my cheek – and obviously this tooth was just getting worse. I was just at the end of my second trimester (the trimester when you can actually go to the dentist, btw) so I needed to find one to see me fast (third trimesters are tricky too because you can go into labor from stress and most everyone is stressed out by the dentist). All they could do was grind down the sharp bits and say “come back after the baby is born and we’ll pull it.”
NESTING IS NOT WHAT THEY PORTRAY IT TO BE
Sure, mainstream media mentions nesting and how ladies get into this phase later in their pregnancies, but they don't really explain it. In the movies, it mainly involves getting the nursery ready and that's about as far as they takes it. Yeah, no.
Nesting is actually an uncontrollable urge to do all the things. I cannot sit still because I need be to doing laundry / dishes / sweeping / wiping / scrubbing / straightening / organizing / decluttering / mopping / etc. It's like a compulsion. Even when I've cleaned to the point of exhaustion, I can't sit still for more than ten minutes. I am not a "cleaning" type. My blog is called Lazy Lady for crying out loud. I feel like my mind has been taken over by a very tidy parasite.
THE HUNGER IS REAL
They talk about pregnant ladies being hungry, but it is usually in a comical, "look at my weird cravings" sort of way. Now that I've entered the third trimester, the hunger is anything but funny. Up until now, I've been able to pretty much eat as much food as I was regularly eating and be fine. An extra snack sometimes, but not much more. Now I eat a snack and my stomach feels like I just ate nothing. I have physical hunger pains as I eat apple after banana after yogurt after salad etc., etc.; all the while drinking GIANT bottles of water.
It also doesn't help that I, like most other humans, am not pleasant to be around when hungry. I very much get hangry and right now I'm hangry that I'm down to my last snack and the end of this stomach growling is no where in sight.