Real Talk: You aren't as self-less as you think you are

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This Mother's Day, I asked Mr. LL to just let me sleep in. That was all I wanted, to sleep for as long as I damn well wanted (which, every time I ask for this, I still end up getting up by 8 at the latest, but I was determined to sleep to 10 this time). Life had other plans. Lazy Baby woke up SCREAMING around 3:30 am, when Mr. LL was just coming to bed (we had stayed up to watch Black Panther with a friend and he had to drive the guy back home, then got distracted by his computer game when he got back). She felt like she was burning up, but she didn't have a fever. I changed her diaper and started sobbing as I changed her out of her pjs and into just a pair of shorts (because she WILL rip her diaper off). We gave her some Motrin and Mr. LL took her to the living room to watch Sesame Street to soothe her back to sleep. I slept in the bed but could hear her crying up front so I didn't sleep very well. 6:30 rolls around and I get up and relieve my very tired and frustrated husband, letting him go to bed for a couple of hours. I felt sorry for myself and my lost gift of sleep, but I had a little one who needed extra snuggles and love, and needed breakfast and a diaper change and someone to play with her.

When she finally went down for a nap (a three hour nap), I was holding her for a moment before putting her in her crib and I took the photo at the start of this post. I had been inwardly pouting about not getting the Mother's Day gift I wanted, still, and as my baby fell asleep in my arms, my brain shook me out it with the reminder: You wouldn't even be a mother if it weren't for this little one, and right now she needs you more than you need a couple extra hours of sleep.

Parenthood teaches you to be selfless. You may have thought you were pretty selfless before children, but you weren't. I'm standing by this blanket statement. You weren't. And until you destroy your body, lose your sleep and self-respect, put everything on hold until further notice so you can give your child the love, support, shelter, food and everything else she needs, you aren't as selfless as you thought you were. Having a child, you genuinely put the needs of this other person above your own and your partner's and pretty much anyone else, tbh. 

I'm not saying you are selfish or that you ever were, but there is something about being a parent that really turns a switch in you and while it is very hard, you still love that little person more than anything and anyone in the world. You may feel sorry for yourself and you may feel like you can't do this or you won't make it, but that little smile, those snuggles and you are back to thinking that this is so worth it.

Real Talk: What I REALLY Want for Mother's Day

 
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What I really want for Mother’s Day is to find healthy foods that my baby will eat . I want her to stop having ear infections. I want to be able to know that I’m going to get a good nights sleep and not go to bed with the anxiety that she'll wake up in the middle of the night. I want to feel like I accomplished something at the end of the day, because even though I do a million things I still fill like there are a million more things to do.

I want someone to tell me I’m doing a good job as a mom. I want to not feel like I’m winging it all the time. I want to know that what I’m doing is best for her, or at the very least the best that I can do. Sometimes my best just doesn't seem good enough.

I want to have less moments of self-doubt and stop stressing myself sick. I want to be able to control my temper when everything is falling apart.

I just want to be the best mom I can be for Mother’s Day.

Real Talk: Daycare Daze

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This week Lazy Baby has officially been in daycare for two months. Wow, it feels like much longer and much shorter at the same time. One thing that I wasn't warned about when becoming a mom was that time moves differently. Anyway, daycare, two months, right. At first, I'm pretty sure she hated every moment of every day there. For two weeks she'd scream when I'd drop her off and scream when I picked her up. Slowly she got used to it and now she seems to genuinely enjoy it (at least from what I can tell during the two small windows of time I'm there).

She has, of course, gotten sick a few times now. First with a cold, then with a rash, and finally a stomach bug. Those have been stressful, difficult times for my little family, but we've made it through. Honestly, the easiest was the stomach bug — even though it was, hands down, the grossest. I'm not 100% that it was a bug and not teething, because after two days the poops calmed down and her 8th tooth made its debut. Side note: how in the heck can teething cause diarrhea, vomiting, runny noses and all those other crazy symptoms? And why did no one tell me about it before hand?!

The sick times are a con of daycare, for sure. The only other con I've experienced (aside from LB's stuff accidentally going home with someone else twice now) is one of the women who works there grates on me real bad. I'm not going into it, because she has a stressful job that I never want to have to do myself and at the end of the day her opinions don't matter. If anything, it's all taught me to trust my mother's intuition more and more (because it has been right over this woman's "advice" a few times now).

The pros to daycare definitely outweigh the cons for us.  LB has learned so much being there and around other kids, teachers and having a structured day. She even got bumped up to the older class early! She's safe and having a great time, which is a relief. Any time she's been ill, they've called to let me know and I like that. They do school pictures and I love that, too! I can just pay $25 and get a professional photo of my baby, yes, please! When Mr. LL or I get sick, we can take her to daycare and then go home and actually rest. Before, when my mom was watching her, we wouldn't really rest. We'd help my mom or let her go home and just deal with the baby while sick. We've actually planned to take off a few days from day jobs to celebrate our wedding anniversary during the day while LB is at daycare. We're calling it Daycare Dates.

School pictures! My heart just melts when I look at this photo!

School pictures! My heart just melts when I look at this photo!

The cost is more a con than a pro, but I suppose it's really just a necessary evil. I am very grateful that we found a decent daycare that we can afford and that my mom is helping us with the cost while she can. It's sad that child care is a privilege here, and without my mom's help it would be a privilege that we couldn't afford. Thankfully we are able to manage it right now and are trying to build up some funds for if/when my mom can no longer help us with this burden financially.

Well, that's really all for now. Just thought I'd give an update on how it's been with our daycare life these days. Let me know if you have any daycare stories in the comments!